dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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