Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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