At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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