SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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