i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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