it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
