Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
there is glitter all over my balls
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