So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i now understand why vodka
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
