He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
