your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
