i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
