Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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