Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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