New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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