yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
