Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
