She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
