so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
