Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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