Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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