I think i peed on brittanys purse
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
