Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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