I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
