By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
