I wish my penis had an off switch
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
