Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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