I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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