cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
