Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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