please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
