I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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