dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
