Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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