and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
