yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
