we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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