my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He better not be in your backpack
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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