All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
