return my video game
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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