i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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