i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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