So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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