Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
