I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
