So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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