Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
