i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
