Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
