Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
