Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
