Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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