Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dick very happy bro
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
