I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
