you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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