I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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